Oh, hello.

Remember those commercials (they for sure came on during Jeopardy) in which some beige spokesperson, leaning casually on their beige desk corner, would break the fourth wall to ask you a specifically provocative question, then awkwardly introduce themselves?

Something like, Are you tired of paying full price for your cat’s diabetes medication? Hi, I’m Argyle Hufflepuff and I was too! Then they’d entice you to buy their at-home cat euthanasia kit or whatever for 3 easy payments of $.

This is kind of that.

Did you stumble upon this blog because your friend’s sister’s yoga teacher told you about the time she saw the author crying in a Taco Bell? Hi, I’m Whitney, and I want to talk about it.